Find out everything you need to know about sex after childbirth. Many couples go through some problems to get back to normal sex life post childbirth as shown below.
The birth of a child, especially the first child, brings changes in all aspects of family life. Your sexual life is not an exception to this either. Sexual life after childbirth has acquired many myths, often mutually exclusive. Some argue that only after childbirth they have discovered new unseen sensations. Others on the other hands say that the sex life after giving birth has completely ceased to exist.
Scientists-sexologists from the Netherlands conducted a study among young mothers first-born. They found that the quality of sex worsens only in the first year after the birth of the child. However, later it becomes the same as before the birth.
60% of young mothers evaluated their sex life as full-fledged after three months after giving birth. 80% say after six months and 94% say one year after childbirth. In addition, there was a clear correlation between the period of pregnancy, the termination of sexual intercourse before delivery and when they resumed after delivery. Women who stopped having sex before the 12th week of pregnancy, 11 times more often did not resume sexual activity a year after the childbirth.
Time Interval for Sex After Childbirth
From the point of view of obstetrician-gynecologists, it is 6-8 weeks after birth. This is considered the best time for abstinence from traditional sexual intercourse. However, everything is purely on the individual to individual basis. Some women, feeling great after giving birth and they resume sexual relations before the prescribed six weeks.
To make sure that sex after childbirth does not cause any problem for the woman it would be wise to consult your specialist first. Usually scheduled inspection after childbirth is prescribed after exactly a month. The doctor checks to see if all the organs are back to their original pre-pregnancy rate. They also examine to see if the postpartum changes have ended.
If all is well then they would give a “go ahead” signal for your sexual life immediately after the examination. Otherwise, you may be recommended further abstinence and a control examination in 2-4 weeks.
Reason for Ban on Sex After Childbirth
The ban on sex after childbirth in the first weeks is associated with two main reasons.
- First, damaged tissues (example, the place of attachment of the placenta ) immediately after childbirth represent an almost open wound. During intercourse, bleeding from blood vessels damaged by birth may resume.
- Secondly, the sexual pathway of a woman after childbirth is especially susceptible to all kinds of infections. The introduction of this is possible during sexual intercourse. Infection of the uterus can cause its inflammation called endometritis. It is one of the most severe postpartum complications.
If childbirth was normal then the uterus reaches its former size by the end of the 6th week after childbirth. During this time the uterus is reduced, and the integrity of the tissues is restored.
However, if the childbirth was not normal and accompanied by any complications or medical intervention then this period varies. After surgical delivery, this period can last up to 8 weeks, and sometimes even longer like 2-3 months. In this case, the duration of sexual abstinence needs to be increased. It should be as much as is required for the complete healing of the birth canal of a woman.
In this case, the timing of the resumption of sexual intercourse will be determined by the treating gynecologist. Especially often, such a prolongation of the period of sexual abstinence is associated with the surgery or cesarean section. This is due to the imposition of sutures after ruptures of soft tissues of the birth canal or episiotomy.
Problems and Solutions About Sex After Childbirth
Now, the long-awaited permission is received and it seems that all the difficulties are behind. However, many couples encounter some unusual problems in the first months after childbirth.
- No Sexual Desire
After all the difficulties and worries of pregnancy, the new mum has very different feelings. All her thoughts revolve around caring for the baby. So it is as nature has thought up. While the infant cannot do without maternal care, the instinct of procreation and feeding female sexuality are useless. In addition, chronic fatigue, lack of sleep wake up the instinct of self-preservation. This then leads to mother preferring an extra hour of sleep over carnal entertainment.
Often a woman feels that her state of constant anxiety for the baby cannot be divided. In other words, she pays all attention to the baby and not her husband. Now, the man’s call to sex can be perceived almost with resentment. A sense of loneliness and isolation occurs which can degenerate into depression. By the way, lack of interest in sex is sometimes a sign of postpartum depression.
Many psychologists conclude that the earlier the couple after childbirth can return to normal sexual activity the better. The research based on many years of observation shows that this increase the chances for harmonious relations in the future.
Therefore, it is nevertheless necessary to try to establish sexual relations more quickly. It doesn’t matter if your love actions in the first months after childbirth do not include traditional sexual intercourse. Try to maintain physical love and do not exclude each other from the sphere of interests. It’s just necessary to say tender words to each other every day and to embrace each other.
Do not necessarily leave time for sex for the night or evening, when the spouses no longer have any strength. You can have sex in the morning or during the daytime sleep of the baby. You may even do it when the husband suddenly breaks out from work at lunch.
Remember not to poison family relationships with statements such as “I am carrying all the worries about the child, I do not need sex.” It is not necessary to refuse intimate relations in connection with unresolved family conflicts or to refuse spouse in affinity.
Remind yourself the best episodes of your intimate life. As soon as possible, persuade someone like a friend to walk with the child for a couple of hours. Do this under the plausible pretext and arrange a secret meeting with your husband at this time. The pleasant stress of a small deception will provoke new, and most likely, well-forgotten old, sensations as well. The main thing is to remember that sex is not a service to your partner. Instead, it is what you need and always be willing to take only positive emotions out of it.
- Self Doubt or Self Critical
Dissatisfaction with yourself, your figure, the size of your breasts can make a woman doubt herself. This often leads a woman to the idea that she is no longer attractive to her husband. A well-groomed childless girlfriend leaves young mothers to be more self-critical.
The best thing here is to stop worrying too much. Just let your partner decide whether or not he is attracted to you. If he yearns for you then everything you worry about is in vain. Stop imagining yourself exclusively as a “breast milk bank.” Remember that the King is making his retinue.
Sacrifice one walk and dedicate a couple of hours of your appearance. Put on beautiful underwear, not suitable for breastfeeding, but hides the flaws of the figure. In the bra, you can put absorbent pads so as not to interfere with running out milk. Look in the mirror as a young mother and remember “Madonna”, has always been the embodiment of female beauty.
You can arrange a romantic dinner or just a quickie with your loved one in the bathroom. If you desire then you can look through some beautiful erotic film together. All this will help both to be liberated and feel the desire again.
Of course, you should not go to the other extreme. Remember that your current figure is a side effect of pregnancy and childbirth. It’s an inevitable phenomenon, but a temporary one. Try to find time for gymnastics and exercise. Do not to get carried away by sweet as gradually your seductive forms will sweep in again.
- Fear of Pain
Most women after childbirth feel the fear of pain during sexual intercourse. Indeed, the first few times after birth, sex for many women can be painful. The duration of these painful sensations cannot be determined in advance.
Uncomfortable sensations can be caused by many reasons. For example, as a result of ruptures or episiotomy nerve endings in the perineum are damaged. Even after complete healing, the skin and vaginal mucosa in the seam area are very sensitive to pressure.
In addition, the scar on the soft tissues of the perineum does not contribute to its extensibility during sexual intercourse. It’s the woman’s subconscious resistance that adds unpleasant sensations even in those poses that were previously completely painless and pleasant.
Most often, the soreness itself passes as the sensitivity of the nerves adapts to the new conditions. Do not hesitate to tell your partner about how you feel, including your fears. Never do your husband any favor if you have pain during sex. It is best to be upfront about it.
Sex after childbirth should start slowly, at first give each other intimate caresses and exclude sex with penetration. Before contact, a woman needs to relax as much as possible and try poses that are most comfortable. After a perineal injury, the “woman on top” or lying on the side position is preferable. Since in these positions, it is possible for you to control the degree of penetration. You can even regulate the pressure on the perineal region better in these positions.
A full sexual contact can be replaced by oral caresses or active petting as an imitation of sexual intercourse. In the latter case, after preliminary caresses, the partners rub against each other’s genitals with their sexual organs. Making the movements of the hips imitating sexual intercourse is the best way to go.
In the process of petting, the partner can agree to an attempt to penetrate. However, the partner at any time should be ready to return to the petting or completely interrupt the sexual act. Most likely, you will have to face this more than once, so discuss this possibility beforehand. If this happens, then try to eliminate the tension with jokes and try to start again. Do not forget about contraception, because when petting, a part of the sperm can get into the vagina.
Only in very rare cases, painful sensations of sexual contact are associated with something that happened on during childbirth. It rarely happens that serious violations of the anatomy of the vagina occur after surgical intervention during childbirth. In this case, reconstructive surgery can help.
- Anatomical Changes of Body
After giving birth, the anatomical relationship between the genital organs of a man and a woman also changes. This is due to the fact that during the birth the vagina has expanded very much. This is so that a child could pass through the child’s birth canals. Therefore, during the first few months after childbirth, it remains in a relaxed state.
A man may not feel a full girth of the penis, and a woman may not feel the presence of the penis inside. It must be understood that this state is temporary, and it should not cause concern. To strengthen sensations during the sexual encounter there are various poses that can help. This is where the femurs of the woman are tightly compressed.
Kegel exercises will help to quickly restore the elasticity of the tissues. It will help to improve the tone of the perineum muscles and the entire sexual sphere. Dr. Kegel invented these exercises for the treatment of urinary incontinence in women giving birth and elderly women.
It is easier for women to feel which muscles need to be trained, with urination. If you try to arbitrarily stop urinating then you can immediately feel the contraction of these muscles. When it becomes clear what the contraction of muscles is like, it is necessary to repeat these cuts in a convenient position. Gradually bring them up to 50 times per approach. Repeat approaches are better 2-3 times a day at any time and in different positions.
By the way, if you perform these exercises during pregnancy, you can significantly reduce the risk of perineal injury. This also helps to reduce the recovery time of muscle tone several times.
- Woman is Dry
Virtually all women, regardless of how the childbirths were going on, experience this problem. In the postpartum period there is a deficiency of the main female hormones that is estrogens.
One of the manifestations of estrogen deficiency is the dryness of the vaginal mucosa. This also causes significant inconveniences in sexual intercourse.
Artificial substitutes for natural lubrication help to eliminate this temporary deficit. These so-called lubricants are special means for moistening. They are produced in the form of gels and creams. You can buy lubricants in pharmacies, supermarkets, cosmetic shops and specialized “sex shops”.
Pay attention to the composition of lubricants. Choose the one without dyes, flavors, hormones and other additives. In addition to moistening, lubricants also help soften the scars in the seams area.
- Afraid of Pregnancy
Do not wait for surprises. Instead start taking care of it right away, from the very first sexual intercourse. According to doctors, the minimum interval between births is two years. The optimal interval is from two and a half to three and a half years.
Too short a period between births can lead to a complicated pregnancy and the birth of a premature baby. A new pregnancy will prevent the baby from breastfeeding.
When selecting contraceptives, it is necessary to take into account that contraception should not affect the quality and quantity of breast milk. It’s nice that in this matter any nursing mother has a choice.
Lastly, the best possible solution to any problem and especially this one is communication. If you and your partner don’t communicate properly then this might lead to you both resenting each other. Talk to him and let him know that you love him and let him know about your troubles. Then listen to him and learn about his problems as well. A proper communication is the only way you can make it out of here easily. Remember sex after childbirth is important but it should not be painful for anyone.